CHUCK NORRIS IS THE MAN

when Chuck Norris pees it clogs the toilet!

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Vic,
Don't you mean Ed Reed?

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real

Chuck Norris can raise the roof, and he can do it with one hand

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.


Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.


The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.


Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.


There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic, The Incredible Hulk.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.


Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and pooped out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.


Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.


Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."
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We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
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A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
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Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.
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Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
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Nice Zero!

The first rule about Chuck Norris is you don't talk about Chuck Norris - I guess we're all in a world of hurt! LOL

thanks bogey...

chuck norris may not want you to talk about chuck norris, but he does have a sense of humor, because...Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter":)hahahaha

bringing back the favorite thread of Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris said so....


Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is missing...and no one can find him.