GOJOFIT'S DORM ROOM

I’m not ‘popular’, I don’t have the typical fitness ’look’ sure plenty of you are nice enough to complement me on my ‘accomplishments’..and I thank you.. today is not turning out to be a good day.. for me..and why we have bad days I don’t know? I’m frustrated that after months of dieting and months of training…I don’t feel ready …my fitness routine.. I knew what I wanted months ago..but I kept putting it off why, fear..I hate practicing it..because I want to do it perfect the first time.. I finally got a dance instructor to help me..and I was doing good..but its too little to late..I don’t think I will have the confidence to pull it off in a week.. As for the rest of the competition.. I don’t know why I do this to myself sometimes..

Bench, lets start with the impossible.. I am not losing weight.. I look better then I did 2 months ago..but I’ve lost maybe 3-4 pounds.. and I need to lose..3 1/2 more to bench 80 pounds which is still too heavy for me to make a good score..because for some reason..I can’t seem to get strong in the bench press. As I’ve been saying for 3 years.. there’s always next year..but I’m sick of saying that..

Box jumps..I’m getting better..but I’m not there yet..I’m fast..but I can’t finish.. it just sucks that no matter how hard I train at this..I’m still struggling and my body feels like its breaking down.

Shuttle run.. Its improved but right now.. I feel sluggish.

The course.. used to be my best event..and if we break it down..obstacle by obstacle it is my best…but.. I haven’t had a good run ever in Vegas..and I haven’t had a good run.. on the course in over a year(last Spring 2007, was the last time I broke a minute..and my last personal best was.. October 2006!) I know my negative attitude isn’t helping..I train hard.. I do.. but somehow..it never seems to be enough..someone else’s body holds up better then mine.. and they can train harder.. or they have more energy..so they can train harder… or maybe they are just more disiciplined so they can train harder(but..I have my doubts on that one.. I do train hard) I’m extremely frustrated right now..but I have some maturity in this sport and I know a lot of it is mental.. and that tomorrow I will wake up..and I might still be negative or I might..be great and positive.. and ready to go…and that..keeps me from going and buying a chocolate cake and eating it.. and thinking what’s the point in trying.. its too difficult.. the hope ..that tomorrow or the next day.. my body will finally respond to all the dieting and training..and I will get lucky ..and do something right.. finally.. that small hope keeps me going..but getting disappointed year after year takes its toll.. the same ppl win.. the same ppl place high.. for a year I was one of them.. I was top 5 in almost every obstacle course run in 2006, after Vegas…it was my moment to shine…but it seems since then its been one injury after another.. is it time to hang up the shoes, heels and running.. and give it up..and admit my moment is over.. or.. do I take yet another year..and train hard..and put my body through torture and deprive myself of enjoying things like.. Brownies cookies..cakes..even fruits.. and milk.. all to have another miserable.. competition where.. someone else.. passes me by.. and I just have to sit and watch and listen as they give me advice on what I’m doing wrong.. I’m not doing anything wrong.. really I’m not..I’ve been doing this longer then most.. but I’ve hit a rough spot.. and I’m not sure how to get through it…